I think it’s fitting to open this post about friendship, with my own situation, and to sum it up, it’s quite complex! The friends in question I have made from university, and they are quite frankly the first people I can confidently say I love, who are not my family. When I experienced the passing of my mum, they were the ones I lived with, inviting me to everything and every plan they had, or even just inviting me to the kitchen to come and cook with them. I had never experienced such intimacy with anyone who was not my family before. So now, being instructed by God to loosen this friendship, I find myself almost distraught. It’s very much what I’d expect a breakup to feel like! Every time I think about it, I cry, and whenever they message me while I know what I need to do, I feel like crying. I genuinely think it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face. I find it so unbearable even, that I still haven’t broken it to them. I thought these would be my forever friends, where we’d travel, go to Church together, chat all the time etc. and until I had been called to do this, I didn’t even realise how much I loved them. In fact, I would rather they break up with me then I them. To get more practical, I’ve taken inspiration from Queen Esther in the Bible, and plan to do a 3 day fast to receive a strategy on this because quite frankly, I have no idea what I am going to do. I wonder if there’s anyone who can relate (and if you do, please comment, or email me!) but the main objective is just to tell you where I am at. Friendship is beautiful, but can feel less than simple, and I want to address a couple of other situations, especially concerning Christian friendships, with you.

The people in our lives have profound influence on us, whether it be consciously or unconsciously. Verses and phrases in the bible such as, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another,” (Proverbs 27:17) or “Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” (1 Corinthians 15:33) get this point across clearly. So, when we are deciding who to walk with, we need to be wise and discerning. The desire for community and platonic intimacy can be deep but please don’t let it cloud you. Just because you have come across people who seem nice to you and you might not have had this in the past, doesn’t mean they are for sure the ones for you (and I’m speaking to myself here too). Be wary of wolves in sheep’s clothing (Matthew 7:15). This might make it seem as though the possibility of finding a friend or group that clicks is impossible: it’s not!! God cares about the things that we want because He is a good Father! He has made us as beings who desire community so why wouldn’t He want that for you? God regards friendships highly, saying in John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” They mean a lot, and we see that in the relationship between Jonathan and David. This is just me talking but their friendship makes me very emotional. The way the love they had for each other is described, and the things they say to each other, and the actions they take. I haven’t read it in a while, but I still remember what it was like to read it. At the time it felt awfully bittersweet because I thought, “Well, this can never happen for me,” but my mindset has become a lot more positive and I am now getting into the habit of asking, “Why not me?” Anyway, a little bit of a tangent, but just thought to mention in case anyone had ever felt the same way. Back to Jonathan and David. So Jonathan was the son of Saul, the man who had it out for David. Jonathan and David first meet in 1 Samuel 18, but the first verse talks about the establishment of their friendship. The AMP version helps me understand the root of their friendship, and it is pure. The bond rises from the admiration and sort of respect Jonathan has towards to David when he hears what happened with Goliath, the Philistine giant. So we have a connection that’s not based on aesthetics, superficiality, covetousness etc. It is void of such things, and I think that’s the first really important note to take. The first verse of chapter 18 when they meet displays this, and says, “When David had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Johnathan was bonded to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.” This first verse leads me onto the most important point of all, of anything, which is love.1 Corinthians 13 deeply gets into the importance and necessity of love, spelling out for us that if we don’t have love, we have nothing. I highly recommend the read, so that you can fully understand it for yourself, and see why it is necessary in a friendship, as it is in everything else. A couple of lines from the chapter list what love is and what is not, such as verses 4-7 which says, “⁴ Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. ⁵ It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. ⁶ It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. ⁷ Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].” Slightly off topic but I just bought a massive Bible pillow from an online Christian store called ‘Fete” that has 1 Corinthians 13 in it! Highly recommend ;). Going back to the verses, you can see that love encompasses all the things we want to be, and all the positive qualities we strive to show and display ourselves. Love is perfect, and God is love. When we love, we replicate and represent who God is which, as Christians, is our ultimate aim. A note from the AMP version which I think describes love really well is “unselfish love for others growing out of God’s love for me.” When we understand that God loves us, we can replicate this to others, and we know that love is the greatest of all things that we can display so we know it is important to God. Since we know this, we must try our best to love others! If you discern that the people around you do not care so much for this, then I think it is important to ask God if they are the community you need. Please never think your worth is reflected in the way they treat you. Your worth comes from the fact that Christ died for you and that God loves you.

Having said all this, we have an amazing example of pure and deep friendship in the Bible in Jonathan and David’s friendship. The way they look out for each other is the third thing that I wanted to point out about their relationship. If you look at 1 Samuel 19, Jonathan takes the initiative to let his friend know about what his dad is up to, sharing all the details with him. Verses 2-3 say, “² So he told David, “Saul my father is seeking to kill you. Now then, please be on guard in the morning, and stay in a secret place and hide yourself. ³ As for me, I will go out and stand beside my father in the field where you are, and I will speak with my father about you, and if I learn anything, then I will tell you.” We know Saul’s character can be quite strict, as he was even prepared to kill his son in 1 Samuel 14. Therefore, Jonathan really stuck his neck out for David. This continues into chapter 20, where Jonathan stands up for David-in his absence- to his father Saul. I think, though, that what is massively significant is what Jonathan says in verse 42, the last verse, of chapter 20. He says, “ ⁴² Jonathan told David, “Go ^[p]in safety, inasmuch as we have sworn to each other in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord shall be between me and you, and between my descendants and yours forever.’” ^[q]Then he stood and left, while Jonathan went into the city.” This is the last thing I wanted to mention, but it is hugely important; the Lord must be in all your relationships. Christ-centred relationships glorify God, therefore fitting into the command we receive in 1 Corinthians 10:31 which tells us, “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” When God is at the heart of all you do, you will never fail or face ruin. Instead, all things will work together for your good! This was a bit of a whistle stop tour, but to wrap it up and conclude what I am essentially trying to say is, friendship is a gift and nothing good is off-limits to God’s children, as long as we ask for it and it is in God’s will for us. Friendship is good, so be expectant!

I covered a lot on assessing current relationships and what they should look like, but I want to highlight those who find friendship hard. It can be hard when you feel out of place with many, or if you recognise opportunities to make friends, but don’t feel like you have the courage to act. If you have been in that boat for a while, it can be easy to think that there is no one we could share such love with, but that’s not true! Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 talks about not being on your own, so God must have plans for you. Meditate on this truth, and I believe it will help your faith in times of difficulty and pain. I say this and know I need to take my own advice. Personally, I don’t know what friendships will look like for me in 2025, considering what I’m facing (mentioned above), but I will remain hopeful and expectant . So don’t settle, don’t force friendships just because you are both Christian, pray to God that you too will be a great friend, and trust God! His timing is perfect.

What a friend we have in Jesus.

Thank you so much for being here and reading. I love you with the love of God. Have a blessed week!

R x