Recently, God dropped a thought into my heart about the root cause of something I am dealing with. I have been someone who struggles with wanting validation from others (specifically, for my looks) and it’s something that genuinely makes me worry. When you’re so wrapped up in getting approval from others, namely men, you don’t even look at them as proper individuals, just as a person who is male that needs to tell you you’re pretty, that needs to be attracted to you. It’s horrible because it means you misread situations, think of people thinking of you in ways that they shouldn’t, and can equate your attractiveness to your worth. What I want to get into today is how deeply your view of God actually affects you. To illustrate to you, I want to provide some details on how I used to, and still do at times, think about God’s character. I personally find that I keep seeing God as the terminator who is waiting for me to slip up so that He can take away the thing that I’m looking forward to the most, or most hopeful about. Every interaction, or word, or message I have ever received that I know came from God has been anything but. He’s told me not to be anxious, not to be afraid, to keep praying – helping me understand, to say sorry, that He sees me, that He even understands the things I hope to feel when I get into a relationship. And yet, all I picture in my head is someone who is just waiting for me to make one wrong move. I’m sorry, Lord, for believing lies over Your Word. It only makes me feel miserable and pained. But what I really want to take from this is, in thinking of God in this way, you isolate yourself from Him. In my case, and maybe for others too, this meant I looked/look for the validation I wouldn’t accept from God, elsewhere. So that you leave/ don’t end up in this cycle, I want to go through some key things. I believe that to dispel these lies, we must know the absolute truth, and rebuke anything that does not coincide with it. Decisions, God’s wrath, and disappointment are the 3 things I will be covering, over this post.

 

CHOICE

 

Sharpening my discernment skills is something I’ve been desperate to do but has felt impossible. I’ve gone back and forth between which way to turn, what path to embark on etc. in the last couple of weeks, but something that has occurred to me recently is the idea of choice. We can get so bogged down in making the right decisions, trying to be perfect etc. but as I look at Isiah 30:21 and the verses I’ve been reading in Proverbs recently, I see this reoccurring idea of paths and alternate routes. When I was younger, I received a word about what I would grow up to be. One thing that struck me, especially as I realise it now, is that it doesn’t matter what exactly I do. This was part of a wider word, but what I am trying to get at is that consistent idea of having a choice and decision. When I think about it, should it really come as such a shock, when the God that loves us has given us the free-will to decide whether we want to love Him back or not? When you look at free will in the Bible, God has left out no area of our lives. What we want to eat, who we want to associate with, even if we want to follow Christ Himself. Matthew 23, or even looking at the story of Adam and Eve in Genesis 2-3, is a great way to see this. I think part of the reasons includes a display of God’s sovereignty (in relation to Romans 8:28) and I think ingenuity.  Looking first at Romans 8:28, God has told us that in all things, whether has seemingly gone right or wrong for us, He will work it out for our good. Now that’s something only God could do – no human could boast to be capable of this, and all the glory would return to God. We can learn to revere Him, by seeing the way He moves in our lives. For example, when we consider the Babylonians of our lives that He has freed us from, the answered prayers we’re living in, or the not so great decision that worked out perfectly well. I think this links very well with the ingenuity point also. It’s clear when looking at the Bible that God wants a real relationship with us, such that we become life partners, who will naturally do life together. In expressing His love for us, He has given us that ability to choose. What I would get so frustrated by is feeling that I would analyse a situation so much, desperately trying to think of what would make sure God wouldn’t ‘strike me down’ (paralysis by analysis) and just not move it all if I couldn’t come to a decision. It would mean that I regularly make progress in nothing, and that every little thing would frustrate me, be unclear to me, and just stress me out. I hope that if you have or are currently experiencing something similar, you can feel a bit relieved by this great idea of choices. It doesn’t matter if you turn to your right or to your left, God will direct you as long as you trust in Him and rely on Him. Remember Proverbs 3:5-6!

 

I say all this to get across the fact that there’s nothing you could do to mess up God’s plans for you – no need to be anxious.

 

GOD’S WRATH

 

Another prominent thought in my faith walk, and maybe in a lot of newer Christians, is the concept of God’s wrath. As I mentioned already, God ‘striking me down’ is something I regularly thought (well, think) about. I strongly believed that all it would take is a single slip up, a wrong turn, an ill-informed decision, and He would make my life unbearable. I think a lot of my fear was fuelled by a twisting of the Word, in my own mind. I read for example Hosea and Lamentations 3 recently, and both really display God’s omnipotence. If I take Lamentations 3 specifically, you’ve got verses like verse 4-6 (and in MSG translation because it is absolutely necessary for this) that say, ‘He turned me into a skeleton of skin and bones, then broke the bones. He hemmed me in, ganged up on me, poured on the trouble and hard time. He locked me up in deep darkness, like a corpse nailed inside a coffin.’ This sounds petrifying if I’m being completely honest. I read this for the first time today, and was just like, ‘What on earth do I do with this?’ and sometimes I still get scared to be excited or happy about things because I think God will take it away. But that’s just it – to not be swept away by these imaginations and misconceptions of God, we have to have such a solid understanding of just who He is. Never stop reading about Him! Despite this I have taken up a new understanding of correction and instruction. Have we ever taken the time to deeply consider what correction of sin and misbehaviour keeps us from? What we don’t have to endure or suffer, because of these guards? (Hebrews 12:6). Think of it this way: you don’t fall into the hands of evil people through things like sexual sin, wrong associations etc, you don’t fall by the wayside and never get up again. Or, just considering it an even more plain way, you are not among those who regularly talk about the mistakes they made when they got drunk (guilty), and how they hated what they did, and that they wish they never did it. I believe different sin will result in consequences in different ways but will always be fair. God doesn’t aim an arrow at our head once we make mistake or sin. First and foremost, He is a God of second chances, but mainly, that is just not what He takes delight in. When God is said to unleash His wrath, it means He leaves us to our own devices, where we don’t acknowledge Him as our helper. In doing that, we go against Him. That is how we are left to our own devices (Romans 1:24). He doesn’t punish with the intention of making us feel anxious, hurt, pained etc. That is not from Him. But what He does do, and will always let you do, is whatever it is you want. And so is the case for those who don’t want to head to Him. That is the way we experience God’s wrath. So don’t be frightened that a thunder bolt is coming for you!

 

A bit of a tangent, but I feel that when I look at Lamentations 3 and at similar exhortations, I want to take the time to acknowledge that we serve a God who even allows this in His holy book. God does not allow any misconceptions of His character to hold, because He’s included everything in His holy book. What kind of god offers this level of transparency, and honesty? Who has character great enough to not be worried passages like Lamentations 3 might taint their image? Only one who is blameless and upright. This, therefore, is the God we serve. So, I say this for you to be able to consider and think rationally, when you are feeling the things that come from a belief that God wants to shoot you down – shame, condemnation, anxiety, the lot. The processing and vent of emotions is not something looked down on in the Bible, but just the opposite. We are not called to deny our feelings, so acknowledge them! But also observe the truth always.

 

DISAPPOINTMENT

 

 The last thing to address was something I have struggled with, and that is feeling like a disappointment to God. It can be tough when you’re convinced you fall so short that there’s no point in trying to be good, or worthy. And I really see why believing this is detrimental because if you believe you are a failure before you’ve even tried to study the Word, or if you think God won’t want to hear from you, you’ll never pray, and so on. For those living in shame and condemnation, the Bible says in Proverbs 24:16, “For a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again, but the wicked shall fall by calamity.” I think what this verse highlights is the difference in you, the righteous man, and the enemy is. You have God to help you rise again, but when trouble strikes the wicked, they will stay down because they know not of a helper. If God is with you in this instance, then you can understand that He also wants to help you in such times. God is omniscient, a key characteristic of His that we know. If He is all knowing, then nothing is a surprise to Him, including your own actions. The Bible says, ‘Before a word is on my tongue, You Lord know it completely,” (Psalm 139:4). In essence, He already knew! And He still wants you. You cannot disappoint a God who knows it all – the reason behind Jesus dying for us is encompassed in this very thing (Romans 5:8-9). He knew you would mess up and be incapable of saving yourself, which is why He sent His only Son. And the essence of this chapter is to get across that the One who knows the beginning and the end, and simultaneously knows you through and through, be surprised by a thought, action, or belief that you have or do? I would really refer someone to Psalm 139 who wants to understand the knowledge God actually has of us. Currently trying to learn it myself .

 

I HAVE TO SAY

 

The effects of being in God’s presence/ doing things to be close to Him cannot be overstated. Everything that God says in that Bible is to the betterment of you! Even when He tells us to deny our flesh, not sin, do the hard thing – it is allll so that you and the people around you will be better off. What can a God who is omnipotent, omniscient, benevolent need from you? Everything He tells you to do, is for you. Even if at first glance it looks as though that action, or task, or requirement is for Him, it is for you because somehow someway it will make you better off, indirectly or directly. The Bible says in Luke 19:40, “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” God asking you to be the one who sings His praises is a privilege and is all a demonstration of His love! I’m really starting to understand that everything He does is from a place of love. His whole being is love, and so 1 Corinthians 13 is starting to make more and more sense to me. If we reject God’s love, we reject His being, because love is who He is, and in everything He does. I’m certain we can’t stay peacefully in an environment void of love for too long; you will always need Him, just because of who He is, not because of what He can give you. John 10:10.

 

Thank you so so much for reading, I hope this blessed you! Have a great week.,

 

Lots of Love,

 

R x